As the Dust Settles: Post-Election Reflections
Before we dive in…
WHAT IS INSPIRING LOVE?
The Inspiring Love series is rooted in a belief that feels both simple and deeply powerful: love—in all its forms—has the capacity to heal and help us grow. LEARN MORE HERE.
So it’s been exactly a month since the election…
Over the past month, as the dust has settled from one of the most polarizing elections in our country’s history, we at The Center for Relationships have taken the time to pause, reflect, and gather our thoughts.
Why did we wait before sharing this post-election reflection? As relationship experts rooted in the Gottman Method and other evidence-based relationship sciences, we know the importance of taking a step back in moments of emotional intensity.
Acting in the heat of the moment can often amplify conflict rather than resolve it. Just as we guide couples to step back, process their emotions, and communicate thoughtfully, we’ve done the same as an organization. We want to respond in a way that honors our feelings as an organization so that our dialogue is measured, meaningful, and centered on fostering healing and connection.
Navigating a Complex Emotional Landscape
In the wake of the election, we have encountered many different emotions in our therapy offices, community events, workshops, and online spaces. Some are celebrating, feeling relieved and vindicated. Others are feeling fear, anxiety, frustration, and a deep sense of uncertainty. Nearly everyone is trying to reconcile relationships with friends and family that feel tense or fractured across political divides. As people celebrate the holidays around the world, being in conflict with loved ones or feeling cut off from our friends and relatives can be particularly painful and isolating.
This diversity of reactions mirrors the challenges we navigate daily in our therapeutic work. As specialists in repairing distressed relationships, we’ve learned that healing begins not in denying these emotions but acknowledging and understanding them. Conflict is inevitable whether in a marriage, a workplace, or a community. But with every conflict comes an opportunity.
From Chaos Comes Growth
In relationships, the moments after significant changes are often filled with a sense of chaos. For many, this post-election period has mirrored the upheaval in relationships after a loss, betrayal, or unforeseen change. Many feel like the rug has been pulled out from under them. For some, the stakes feel existential. Questions about safety, rights, and the future fuel the uncertainty and anxiety that so many are harboring. For others, there is a sense of victory mixed with unease, knowing that their joy may be someone else’s sorrow. For all, there is concern or even fear about how we can move forward as a united society.
We’re dealing with a mental health crisis, not just in terms of politics, but in terms of how we relate to one another.Strong emotions like hatred, anger, judgment, contempt, cynicism, fear, and worry have fueled our cultural ethos for almost two decades now. For many, there is real anxiety about the future. Our therapists have been hearing questions like:
“How did we get here?”
“What happens next?”
“What about our communities, our safety?”
“What if things get worse?”
“What if we lose what we’ve worked so hard for?”
“What about my rights, my loved ones, my future?”
What if…
…instead of letting these questions fuel our fear,
we used them as a reminder of what we can control?
What if…
…we made a conscious effort to inspire love for ourselves,
for each other, and for our shared destinies?
Inspiring Love: A Path Forward
Inspiring Love in a divided world doesn’t mean abandoning your beliefs or values. Inspiring Love means living your values with integrity while remaining open to others’ humanity. It’s about recognizing that while our differences may be stark, our shared humanity and interdependence will always connect us. Meeting the darkness we see in others with a genuine love for ourselves and others opens the door to hope.
When we find ourselves living through historically significant moments, we face a choice: We can allow fear and judgment to deepen our divides, or we can commit to fostering connection and understanding. We can commit to Inspiring Love.
Healing happens when we start listening to one another…
…across the divides that seem so big right now.
Here are ways we can inspire love and build connection, even now:
Practice Curiosity Instead of Judgment: Seek to understand the personal stories that shape others’ beliefs. Ask questions like, “What experiences have influenced your perspective?” Listening without the intent to argue can deepen empathy and reduce the instinct to “other” those who differ from us. Listen to be inspired and not to prove someone wrong.
Reconnect Through Small Acts of Kindness: Wave “hello” to a stranger, ask your neighbor how they’re doing, or let someone merge in traffic during rush hour. These small gestures remind us that we’re in this together and can inspire others to pay it forward. You never know when you might be making someone’s day.
Embrace Discomfort to Build Bridges: Healing requires us to tolerate the tension of gridlocked conflict. Commit to remaining engaged in respectful dialogue rather than retreating into echo chambers or resorting to fight-or-flight responses.
Turn Fear into Action: Use anxiety about the future as motivation to act in alignment with your values. Volunteer for causes you care about, participate in local community initiatives, and focus on building positive relationships in your immediate sphere.
Inspiring Love means finding the small moments of joy, hope, and creativity even when everything and everyone around you is funneling negative energy.
Inspiring Love means saying, “I don’t want to live in a world where every interaction feels like a potential conflict; I choose to do something different with it.” We often walk through our present worlds as if we are surrounded by enemies. When we expect war and see enemies everywhere, our nervous system goes into a hypervigilant and protective state.¹
We know we’re not alone in being afraid of what seems like so much hostility on every side growing seemingly unchecked. But this fear should inspire our strength to face the conflicts in our lives with love. Conflict shouldn’t be avoided, nor should it define our relationships with one another. Honest people can disagree and still find a way to repair and reconnect.
We can inspire love by showing up with compassion and patience…
…even especially when it’s difficult.
complicated.
confusing.
tiring.
Healing in Community
As relational beings, we heal best in connection with others. Whether it’s sharing space at a family dinner, sitting in I-35 construction five feet away from each other, or spending time with someone whose views challenge your own, these shared experiences are opportunities for repair and growth.
In our therapy offices, we often hear:
“I just want to feel like we’re in this together, even if we don’t agree.”
“I want to smile at a stranger without wondering if they see me as an enemy.”
“I don’t want to drive through my city feeling like every person on the road is one honk away from road rage.”
“I’m tired of living in fear and hostility—I want peace.”
“I don’t want to argue about politics while trying to celebrate the holidays.”
“I love my state/country, and I don’t want to have to create an exit plan.”
“I don’t have a choice but to stay in this state/country. Do I have to live in fear and stress?”
These sentiments reflect a yearning for connection, not division.
Here’s the good news:
The skills we use to mend marriages
…curiosity, compassion, and commitment…
are just as effective in mending communities.
The Work Ahead
At The Center for Relationships, we believe the way forward is through connection, not division. For us, this means choosing to inspire love in every interaction. It’s not about ignoring conflict—it’s about engaging with our differences in ways that honor each other’s humanity.
We challenge you to think about these questions as we approach the new year.
Ask yourself:
How can I show up as my best self at this moment?
Can I offer someone a small act of kindness or connection today?
Would I be proud of my words and behavior if I looked back at a recording?
How can I hold space for my beliefs and beliefs I may not fully agree with?
How can I contribute to a community where everyone feels valued?
Ask your community:
What is the story behind your position on this issue?
What are your experiences, fears, or longings that influence your values or actions?
What does a better future look like to you, and how can we work toward it together?
How do you feel most heard or understood during a disagreement?
What strengths or values do you see in people who hold different perspectives?
As you contemplate these questions, keep in mind that your answers to these questions will shape not only the tone of your personal relationships but also the culture we all build together.
Let’s Move Forward Together
As we approach the new year and all the changes it will bring, we encourage you to use this time to heal, grow, and strengthen your relationships. We urge you to find ways to prioritize dialogues that inspire rather than divide and experiences that foster connection rather than conflict. We remind you to reserve your energy for the work of Inspiring Love—not just in moments of ease but especially in times of tension.
This is the work of relationships. This is the work of community. This is the work of Inspiring Love.
Read more about our Inspiring Love series.
References
1. Kimble, M., Boxwala, M., Bean, W., Maletsky, K., Halper, J., Spollen, K., & Fleming, K. (2014). The impact of hypervigilance: evidence for a forward feedback loop. Journal of anxiety disorders, 28(2), 241–245. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2013.12.006