In the recent New York Times issue published on May 16th, entitled “I’m a Couples Therapist. Something New Is Happening in Relationships.”, Dr. Orna Guralnik explores the story of how Syl'violet and Matthew found themselves embroiled in a seemingly insignificant argument. However, as their session unfolded, deeper issues emerged, rooted in their differing experiences of privilege, race, and class.

This encounter highlights the challenges couples face in acknowledging and appreciating each other's perspectives. It also reflects the evolving landscape of couples therapy, shaped by a broader societal conversation on power, privilege, and systemic biases.

In this article, we delve into the transformative impact of social movements, such as #MeToo and Black Lives Matter, on couples therapy and the crucial role they play in fostering empathy, understanding, and change.

A Shift in Perspective

Over the past few years, there has been a significant shift in the types of conversations couples engage in during therapy. Previously, discussions around class, race, and privilege were often avoided or brushed aside, seen as external factors irrelevant to the relationship itself. However, recent events and social movements have sparked a nationwide dialogue on these issues, leading individuals and couples to confront their implicit biases and assumptions. This newfound awareness has made it easier for couples to recognize the larger social forces at play and understand that their viewpoints are not solely shaped by personal experiences but also by societal influences.

The Role of Language

Language plays a crucial role in shaping our perceptions and understanding of the world. It evolves to reflect the experiences of the dominant social group, often leaving marginalized experiences unacknowledged. However, the expanding lexicon around bias and privilege has helped bridge these gaps. Terms like "white fragility" and "virtue signaling" have entered the therapy room, enabling couples to distinguish between performative allyship and genuine concern for one another. By understanding the nuances of guilt and guiltiness, couples can navigate wrongdoing, take accountability, and work towards healing their relationships.

Unconscious Forces and Systemic Biases

Traditionally, psychoanalysis focused on exploring the private, interior world of individuals. However, a more contemporary perspective recognizes that our unconscious is deeply intertwined with our relationship to society. Couples therapy, informed by this broader understanding, explores how social systems influence individual behaviors within a relationship. By acknowledging complicity in systemic biases, couples can better understand their roles in perpetuating harm and work towards change. This acknowledgment opens up opportunities for couples to examine power dynamics, implicit biases, and the impact of privilege on their relationship dynamics.

Reckoning with Wrongdoing and Blame

Addressing wrongdoing and accepting responsibility can be challenging for couples. People often resist being held responsible for causing harm due to the overwhelming shame and guilt it elicits. However, the ongoing conversations about systemic biases have facilitated a shift in couples' willingness to acknowledge their complicity and examine their intentions. Feedback from others becomes essential in understanding the impact of one's actions, transcending the question of intent. Couples therapy provides a safe space for partners to explore their emotions, confront their biases, and work towards growth and reconciliation.

Case Study: Moving Beyond Defensiveness

In the case of the couple in Dr. Orna Guralnik’s articles who were grappling with infidelity, the wife's initial inclination was influenced by the #MeToo movement, leaning towards leaving her husband. However, as therapy progressed, both partners began to engage with the ideas behind the movement more deeply. The husband questioned his power dynamics at work and the authenticity of his actions, leading to a more thorough self-examination.

Through open and non-defensive communication, they were able to understand the underlying insecurities and vulnerabilities that contributed to the infidelity. This newfound awareness fostered remorse, forgiveness, and a commitment to check their impact on each other. By engaging with social movements and their implications, couples can work together to rebuild trust, challenge harmful behaviors, and foster a more equitable partnership.

The Center for Relationships invites you to our upcoming Couples Workshops

The 7 Principles for Making Relationships Work (September 16th, 2023: 9am - 4pm CST)

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Discover how to enhance your love maps, nurture fondness and admiration, turn towards each other, and let your partner influence you. Learn effective problem-solving strategies, overcome gridlock, and create shared meaning in your relationship.

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Art and Science of Love + Trust Recovery Retreat (August 5-6, 2023)

Led by esteemed Master Gottman Therapists Dr. Vagdevi Meunier and Dr. William Bumberry, this in-person event combines over 40 years of research and thousands of couples' insights to reaffirm, strengthen, and restore the love and connection within your partnership. Gain invaluable skills to navigate conflicts in a healthy and positive manner.

If you and your partner are grappling with issues of betrayal or broken trust, this tailored program incorporates essential elements from The Center for Relationships' Signature Trust Recovery Program. You'll learn specific skills and tools aligned with the Gottman approach to address the complex process of trust recovery. No matter the challenges you've faced—frustration, escalating negativity, or a sense of hopelessness—our retreat offers a lifeline of support. It's time to overcome the obstacles of the past and embark on a new, meaningful, and worth-having relationship.

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Final Thoughts

Social movements have undoubtedly influenced the landscape of couples therapy, forcing practitioners and couples alike to confront uncomfortable truths and address systemic biases. By integrating discussions of power, privilege, and societal context into therapy sessions, couples can gain a deeper understanding of themselves and each other.

This shift in approach fosters empathy, healing, and growth, allowing couples to transform their relationships in ways that align with the values and principles espoused by social movements. As the therapeutic community continues to evolve, embracing these conversations is vital for supporting couples in navigating complex dynamics and bridging the divides that once went unacknowledged.

Bridging Divides: Exploring the Transformative Impact of Social Movements on Couples Therapy